I don’t know; I’ve been seriously stressed out for about the past week-and-a-half. This morning when I woke up, I was hungry. After I ate breakfast, I was immediately hungry. By the time I ate my morning snack, I was more hungry. After the snack, I was still hungry. Then I ate lunch. I was still hungry afterwards. And stressed out. Hungry, tired and stressed. Then, I ate the first part of my afternoon snack. I was still hungry. A little while later, I ate the second part of my afternoon snack. I was still hungry. I had to stop at the drug store on the way home from work. While there, I broke down and bought a teryaki beef stick. I was still hungry after eating that. Then, I ate dinner – 2 Lean Pockets and a 1 1/2-cup mound of green beans. I was hungry immediately afterward. Then, I really broke down and ate what I estimate to be 800 calories worth of pretzels and cheese, which are supposed to be eaten in much smaller quantities as part of lunches and snacks. I am no longer hungry, but I’m even more stressed out and tired than I’ve been for the last week or so.
I’m left wondering, once again, how I’m ever going to have the discipline to live after having gastric bypass surgery. The purpose of this preparatory program I’m taking is to prove that I have the discipline to pull it off. I wouldn’t give myself very high marks at this point. No exercise today, either. Too tired and stressed out. Why am I so stressed? I wish I could just calm down. I probably won’t sleep well tonight, and then I’ll be even more tired and stressed tomorrow. Jeez, what a day and what a week. I’m not even glad tomorrow’s Friday, because this weekend, I have to go up to my father’s house. That always causes stress because he and my brother are incapable of handling everything by themselves, and, the things they are capable of doing, they don’t do anyway!
To the handful of people who are actually reading this, sorry for the whinefest.
Good morning Mr. P,
I knew after we were finished eating lunch that you were going to go home and pig out…. You had yourself talked into failing last night before you even got home…. EAT TO LIVE – DON’T LIVE TO EAT…. Now quit the whining and get back on track – you CAN do this….
Remember:
I want to be able to walk up a flight of steps without having to rest at the top. I want to be able to walk around a store without getting all tired out. I want to be able to fit behind the wheel of any car, not just the large cars like my Le Sabre. I especially want to be able to fit behind the wheel of a classic English sports car. I want to be able to not cringe when the fire drill alarm goes off at work, knowing that I have to walk down four flights of steps with people behind me. I want to be able to walk for longer than a few minutes at a time. I want to be able to sleep without using a bi-pap for sleep apnea. I want to be able to walk on a sandy beach. I want to be able to fit in a booth at restaurants, so I don’t always have to ask for a table. I want to be able to go to an amusement park and get on any ride I want. I want to be able to sit Indian-style. I want to be able to go for a hike in the woods. I want to be able to go through the turnstiles at any place they have turnstiles, without having to ask to go through the handicapped entrance. I want to be able to sit in a regular-size theater seat so I can go to concerts and shows and movies. I want to be able to go to a baseball game. I want to be able to plan any activity based on desire rather than physical limitations. I want to be able to go to a car show and get in any of the cars they’ll let people get into. I want to be able to rent an exotic supercar for a weekend and actually be able to fit inside it. I want to be able to walk the entire boardwalk in Ocean City, NJ. I want to be able to walk on the rocks at Schoodic Point in Acadia National Park. I want to be able to climb to the top of Mt. Battie in Camden Hills State Park. I want to be able to climb to the top of any lighthouse that they’ll let people climb to the top of. I want to be able to ride a Wave Runner. I want to be able to go horseback-riding. I want to be able to ride a scooter. I want to be able to buy clothes anywhere. I want to be able to look down and see my feet when I’m standing. I want to be able to ride a bicycle.
I want to be able to live, not just exist. I want . . . .
Yes, I know, you’re right. I just wish I knew why I’m so tired and stressed.
I think part of the stress is being caused by the two projects you are working on. I also believe that it is being elevated by the fact that you feel eating will make the stress go away and, being on a diet is restricting your food intake. Then you eat anyway which elevates it even more because you feel that you failed for the day. I also think that deep down inside you are stressed because you know that if you succeed the first part of this you will have to have the surgery (which I have a feeling you afraid of doing). It is a viscious circle that I think you feel you are caught-up-in. Just drop back five and kick! In a couple of hours you will have lunch and then a few more hours after that, dinner. Don’t talk yourself into being hungry for a snack this afternoon this early in the day. Wait and see what happens this afternoon; you may not want a snack…. And, thinking now that you don’t have a snack for this afternoon will build stress throughout the day so that by the time this afternoon rolls around you will be that much more stressed and twice as hungry. You need to try and do anything you can to try and come to grips with all that is going on right now. Not only is this journey a physical one, but a mental one as well. Why not give Carebridge a call? They can probably help you..
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